Small, Incomplete Questions

Do we always need to know where we are going – to end up where we think we should be? When was the last time we decided for ourselves we were right? What if the wrong station is the only way for us to learn we should look for the right one next time?
When curiosity wanes, when nothing is more than the sum of itself, by then we should have learned our life is being lived at the wrong station. We convince ourselves, however, that we are creatures of habit. That we have the lives we chose for ourselves, that how we live has a reason, and is not empty of purpose. We wait until we are old to realise that in fact, our lives were always wrong?
To quantify who we are, do we need to justify every move, so we can reap a reward we believe we deserve? When the substance of our lives is dictated by what others think and not but what we know to be true for ourselves, does this not in turn make our supposedly successful lives, meaningless?
Think of life as a endless series of trains and journeys and stations. Sometimes, we get on the right train, but end up at the wrong stop. We can also take the wrong train there too. Or we can get the right train and arrive at the right stop – but find we actually preferred the wrong one after all. We get tired and sometimes just stay at any station, indifferent to pitfalls, unheeding of warnings, our lethargy keeps us where we are. It takes courage to get on any of life’s trains, staring at the greyness of our lives flitting by. The slow paralysis of knowing, every day, one is taking a train to the last station.
How much courage does it take to get away from the “right station”? Who chose it was right in the first place? Was it you? And how much of the you is actually yourself and not tied up in obligations, societal norms, compliance and fear of being wrong?
Can we then decide for ourselves to be brave? We sleep through our years, and we awaken from our last slumber, how do we know that now, we are truly awake? Like the wind we hide ourselves from, why not, with our arms wide open, stand and embrace it? To have the choice to say, “I am awake and I fear only my own decisions?” To fear no man and fear nothing man can put in our paths? We are the wind, the sky, the sun, the water and the air. But we are not free. We take what we are given, believing it is what we deserve. But what if tomorrow, we get on the wrong train and find we are suddenly at the perfectly right station?
There is no answer. But one day, when we realise that the first 50 years we have spend on this earth muddling things out are also the last 50 years we will ever have. Life isn’t short but we shorten it by spending too much time thinking we have forever.

Photo by Jeffrey Czum on

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